Mere Mortals

Hello Mere Mortals,

I have snuck into the computer room whilst mummy and daddy are watching televsion downstairs. I don't know what they are watching, probably something that I am not interested in that appeals to the intellect of a poorly educated snail from Reading.

Anyway I am going to take the oppurtunity to say what I really think. As you can see from this picture I am having a few issues with that stupid table in the middle of our lounge. I am cruising along on my trusty shanks and this thing always gets in the way. I am planning to put all the love letters that mum has written to dad (and there are lots of them) under this cursed hunk of wood and put a flame to it. Today I managed to rub some playdoh into its surface and I smashed the remote control into the top a few times. I think it knows whose bee-atch it is!!

I have had a lot of visitors recently which is good because, quite frankly, my parents are morons. Just this morning Dad asked Mum if she would like a cup of tea. Mum said "yes"...... moron. If you don't understand then you are a Moron too.

I have got a few more words now (I write much better than I speak). Just yesterday I was waving goodbye to cars in a carpark and saying "bye" to all those inside the vehicles. You may wonder why? Well it is all part of my cunning plan to lure Stephen Hawking and Bono into the same room. I am then going to bring one of my big plans to fruition. That is a role swap between the two clowns. Bono will end up as a wisened spectacled fool in an electronic cart and Stephen Hawking will become the preaching front man of a washed up rock band. He will certainly attract the ladies.

Tomorrow I am off to daycare. This is an oppurtunity that I have to grow and develop into an upstanding member of our community. It is really like parliament, I get to scream at other people, get feed four big meals during the day and I get to finger paint. You may question whether they finger paint in parliament...... well next time you see Helen Clark on tele have a look at those claws she calls fingers. Under the nails you will see little bits of play doh and over 14 different shades of water based finger paint.

I am going to sneak back into bed now. It looks like the fools have finished watching tele. Dad will do his usual pre-bed activity of coming to check on me and then tucking me in. Well I better go and pretend I am asleep.

Good bye Mortals.