Ground Control to Major Tom

Gidday my groupies,

Here is a picture of me designing a new mask for trips into outer space. I was asked to do this by Mr Richard Branson esq. He is a man that I have a great deal of respect for as he has flown in a balloon.

Anyway dad wouldn't buy me all of the equipment that I require so what you see in the picture has been fashioned from a burger rings bag, 6 match sticks, saliva from mongi's tongue and mum's sock. The parental units were amazed at what I did although dad did put a bit of a damper on it all when he suggested that I could just use the tupperware bowl from the cupboard. Well fudge him, doesn't he know that tupperware is affected by minute solar particles that are especially prevelant near Alpha Centuri.

I have been having lots of fun recently. The idea of walking has been a real winner. I love going out to malls now as I can get out of my stroller and chase pretty ladies. I am very good in stores and don't touch anything that I am not allowed to. My favourite store is Whitcoulls at Botany Downs shopping centre. They have got a little play area especially designed for me.

I have also included the following picture to prove that I do not have ginger hair.

As you can all tell, my hair is a fine blonde. The blonde hair of an angel...... at times a misguided angel but an angel none the less. I reckon I look like James Dean here.

The one thing that I long for in this world is a little brother or sister............

J.E.T

I am a dream boat

Hello everybody,

Here I am on a cold winter's day dressed in colour co-ordinated leiderhosen from Gucci kids wear. As you can see I am an absolute dream boat. I am facing some fairly serious issues when we go out now. The female species find me irresistable. They want to shower me with gifts, they swoon, they want to kiss me, they want me to sire their children and quite often they just simply want to get close enough to sniff "eau de Jude". Quite frankly I am sick of it, I just want to hang out with the boys, have a nice quiet ribena and watch the Wiggles.

I have been a very good boy recently. I have found where mummy keeps the tissues so I help her out by grabbing a couple, spitting on them and rubbing dirty surfaces. I do this to keep away the germs. They seem to lurk everywhere. Mum always points out where they are when I go to touch certain things. For example, did you know the toilet has germs, the rubbish bin has germs, girls have germs, Arnold Schwarzenegger has germs and Mr Winky has germs?

Tomorrow I have a busy day planned. I am going to rid the world of "funny" people.

Bye
J.E.T

King of the Dwarves

I noticed that Mummy said that Daddy will probably post a stupid blog. Well I am insulted by this so called mother of mine. It is I who place the good posts on this blog, not some half wit ghost writer answering to the name of Dad. I mean what sort of imbecile has a one syllable name (and before you ask my name is pronounced Jew - Dae, two syllables).

Anyway now onto more serious matters. Many of you would not know this but I am in fact Jude - King of the Dwarves. This photo proves it. Every morning I get a special telecast of my minions sent into me so that I can overview their daily activities. This picture gives you an understanding of my life. I get up and view what the crazy little buggers have been up to. Most days it is normal dwarvish behaviour - being shot from cannons, tossed by Eastern European women and being used as weird footstools. There is only the odd occasion when I have to weild my power due to poor behaviour. I will not stand for dwarves carrying hammers or chasing cars that is just not on.

I have to get off here now as Daddy wants to play games. A small update on my life.... I have successfully grown a rash, no mean feat I tell you. I bet you can't, but that is just because you suck and I rule..... the dwarves.

By all and long live the little people.

J.E.T

Do you like my pozzie?

Here is Jude getting as close as he is allowed to the TV and the heater. No doubt his balloon would have "found" its way between the two forbidden items and so Jude would have just been reclaiming it... yeah right. He also dies his hair ginger for the ladies.

Jude has had tonsillitis for the last week and has been on antibiotics which have resulted in a nasty rash on his upper carcass. The poor little boy is probably teething as well, so was possibly in a fair amount of discomfort. Luckily he is on the mend now and gets to go to daycare again tomorrow for "The Big Play-Time".

Jude has been working hard for the last 14 months and was just able to save enough money for a card featuring an orangutan (why I ask you why?) and a box of Roses chocolates for Mothers Day. He brought them in to Mummy's bedroom himself but refused to hand over the goods.

Jude visited with his Nana & Poppa Dromgool in the weekend and although it was Mummy's birthday, he still managed to steal her thunder and score himself a few pressies. He received some buzzy bee gumboots (perfect for stomping around outside), a beautiful knitted jumper and some other clothing items and a penguin finger puppet.


Uncle Jeremy & Aunty Debs sent Mummy a Little Britain birthday card that "talks". Here is a photo of Jude enjoying the aforementioned card. He will sit there for ages opening and closing it - all Mummy hears is "yeah but no, but yeah but no". He thinks it's wonderful (and Mummy thought it was pretty funny too).

Well that's all for now. No doubt Daddy will be along soon to put some more ridiculous clap-trap on Jude's blog. Please forgive him in advance.

You make me feel like dancin'...

...gonna dance the night away.

Boy that kid sure can trot out some garbage. Can't even talk yet but can type the hind leg off a donkey.

Here is Jude dancing with Great-Nana Baron in the background just enjoying the show. Jude has just learned how to "krump". It's all the rage in the US and I must admit he's pretty good at it. He gets that little booty shakin'!!!

I love Stools

I love my Mummy a lot. I love her because she bought me this table and stool set. As you can see from it's chic lines and kitsch paint work, it is the top of the range K3000 table and stool set. This baby has all the bells and whistles. Daddy doesn't buy me much as he is tighter than a snapper's ....... Daddy just told me that I can't use that word. He is an ..... Daddy just told me that I am not allowed to use that word again.

This table is such fun. I can sit here and draw pictures, play with play doh and just think about how great life is. Like everything though there is a dark side to this deluxe table and stool set. As the hunkahunka burning lurve Margaret Perrin once said "I don't like dark-sided things". From time to time the stool turns on me and the following happens:-

At these times it turns from a wonderful piece of engineering into something spawned from Satan's ......... Daddy reminded me that I am not allowed to say that word again. I had to put $1 in the swear-jar.

Today Mum and Dad took me to see some animals at Butterfly Creek. It was pretty cool. I patted some rabbits, saw some ducks, an alpaca, some Kunekune pigs and some guinea pigs.

I bid you adieu again.

Jude

I like to point

Lets get to the point..... I like to point.

The correct technique for getting the perfect point is shown above. It has taken me several months to get this right but the technique is as follows.... you must raise the thumb, straighten the index finger and make a loose fist with the remaining three fingers. At the same time you have to make a crazy exclaimation such as "aaaahhhhiiiiiaaaaa".
Now you try it.

Nana Thomas you don't quite have it right. Extend the thumb (think about how Hamish Carter would do it)...... there we go, perfect.
Nana Dromgool you are close but you are using the right hand, try again. You are still using the right hand. That's better - pointing is best done with the left hand only.
Great-Poppa Baron you are my idol but really that is a pretty poor attempt. The exclaimation has to be "aaaahhhhiiiiiaaaaa" not "piffle, piffle, piffle".
Uncle Jeremy, let's not even try, you will probably break something!!

Onto another subject now. I have given up crawling, I think that it is a complete waste of my time and energy. My main mode of transport is now something commonly known as "the walk". It is a very efficient and a quick way to get around. I use it to catch the cat unawares, creep up on Mummy and Daddy, fetch the mail in the mornings and mine coal from the tunnel in the back yard.

I am enjoying my daycare on Wednesdays. They feed me lots of food and I get a break from the olds. They can be so overbearing sometimes - don't touch this, stay away from that. Who do they think they are? it's not like I ever asked to be born.

Enough from me, I am going to bed.

JET

Two TV Addicts

Here's Jude and his friend Cameron watching The Muppet Show.

Jude's walking has been really good today - he has pretty much tottered around on his pins all day and is getting steadier and steadier.

He has had a cold every week since starting daycare and now Mummy has caught it too - the joys of public childcare I guess.

Anyway, not much else to report - Jude has been drawing pictures with his new crayons and fell over holding his sippy cup yesterday and cut his eyelid with his fingernail and it's a bit puffy and bruised-looking. I should have taken him to the Ascot Hospital just up the road and maybe we would have seen Keith Richards...

I rule

As I rule and Mummy does not I command you to ignore her comment that instructed you to ignore my last blog.

Power to the gings!!!!

Thomas had been shunting all day

Please disregard the previous post. Jude's father is being a moron.

Here is Jude enjoying his first ride on Thomas the Tank Engine. He had a huge smile on his face the whole time and enjoyed pointing with his finger.

Not much else to report except the walking is coming along nicely - he teeters and totters all over the place. We had a big play-time with Playdoh yesterday - I think Mummy & Daddy had more fun than Jude. We had to fish small pieces of Playdoh from his mouth every now and then, but no casualties were reported.

Jude is off to day-care again today - no doubt there will be finger painting, sandpit playing and NO SLEEPING.

TTFN

Mere Mortals

Hello Mere Mortals,

I have snuck into the computer room whilst mummy and daddy are watching televsion downstairs. I don't know what they are watching, probably something that I am not interested in that appeals to the intellect of a poorly educated snail from Reading.

Anyway I am going to take the oppurtunity to say what I really think. As you can see from this picture I am having a few issues with that stupid table in the middle of our lounge. I am cruising along on my trusty shanks and this thing always gets in the way. I am planning to put all the love letters that mum has written to dad (and there are lots of them) under this cursed hunk of wood and put a flame to it. Today I managed to rub some playdoh into its surface and I smashed the remote control into the top a few times. I think it knows whose bee-atch it is!!

I have had a lot of visitors recently which is good because, quite frankly, my parents are morons. Just this morning Dad asked Mum if she would like a cup of tea. Mum said "yes"...... moron. If you don't understand then you are a Moron too.

I have got a few more words now (I write much better than I speak). Just yesterday I was waving goodbye to cars in a carpark and saying "bye" to all those inside the vehicles. You may wonder why? Well it is all part of my cunning plan to lure Stephen Hawking and Bono into the same room. I am then going to bring one of my big plans to fruition. That is a role swap between the two clowns. Bono will end up as a wisened spectacled fool in an electronic cart and Stephen Hawking will become the preaching front man of a washed up rock band. He will certainly attract the ladies.

Tomorrow I am off to daycare. This is an oppurtunity that I have to grow and develop into an upstanding member of our community. It is really like parliament, I get to scream at other people, get feed four big meals during the day and I get to finger paint. You may question whether they finger paint in parliament...... well next time you see Helen Clark on tele have a look at those claws she calls fingers. Under the nails you will see little bits of play doh and over 14 different shades of water based finger paint.

I am going to sneak back into bed now. It looks like the fools have finished watching tele. Dad will do his usual pre-bed activity of coming to check on me and then tucking me in. Well I better go and pretend I am asleep.

Good bye Mortals.

"Give Me Chocolate or Give Me Death"

Mmmmmm chocolate...

Jude likes Easter. Easter means chocolate and chocolate is gooooood. The photos do not fully illustrate the shaking little hands as he attempted to unwrap the Easter Egg though. Very Uncle Jeremyesque!!

The walking is still happening. It hasn't got any better or more frequent sadly. Who told me that once they took their first steps then it was all go? Well whoever it was - you were wrong.

Jude has had another pre-molar come through - that makes 10 teeth in total now. After all, he needed some extra help to chew up all that chocolate....

Well, we hope you all had a nice Easter break and ate plenty of fattening goodies (for the record - only ONE set of Nanas & Poppas provided an Easter Egg for Jude this year - in fact, ONE set of Nanas & Poppas only bought Jude tomatoes - I mean, what's with that? TOMATOES?????!!!honestly who eats tomatoes??? they are the devil's own food....).

An evil presence lurks...

............................. who is this moustachioed man in the white shirt?

Anyway, enough of that - Jude has been a very naughty boy and has been caught putting weird blogs on this website again. He has forthwith been banned from touching the computer. He has also been sentenced to 9 strokes of the rattan cane.

Right - back to reality. Jude enjoyed his first day of daycare on Wednesday. He came home covered in blue paint and sand. He had had an absolute ball apparently and the ladies all said that he could stay on full-time as he was such an easy-going child. Yeah right. He was so tired (after refusing to have his afternoon nap) that he fell asleep while drinking his milk.

Jude took 4-5 steps yesterday while Mummy was talking on the phone. We have been trying to get him to do it again but alas, he will only do 2-3 steps before tottering over. Still, I am sure he is on the veritable verge of walking and it will only be a matter of days (I realise I have been saying this for the last 6 weeks, but this time I am SURE I am right). Maybe one day he will even walk better than wobbly Nana Robyn?

My humble servants

My humble servants, I am preaching to you today on the subject of poverty in third world countries. Listen carefully as the words that will come from my mouth will provide you with the guidence and knowledge to help you live a fulfilling life.

I have a dream, a dream that one day there will be no poverty in this world, a dream that one day the world will live in peaceful harmony, a dream that........ wait a second Dad has told me to get off my damn soap box. He has also told me that I am starting to sound like Bono from U2 which scares me a little as Bono is really just a long haired freak with a microphone.

Dad has told me that I can save my ravings on world poverty for another time and that I should really tell you about stuff that I have been up to.

Well I haven't been up to anything this week.

Good bye.

Jude "The Transgressor" Thomas

Respect my authority

Yes that is right, I have become a sworn officer of the law. Have you seen the motto "To serve and Protect"?
Well I have given this motto some thought and quite frankly if you think I am here to serve or protect you then you can kiss my little pink butt. I will say this once only and you had better listen up...... You WILL respect my authority. You will give me what I want when I want it or there will be trouble.

I have just returned from taking Mum and Dad on a one week holiday to Taupo, Rotorua and Hamilton. When my Mum and Dad went out I stayed at home and looked after my Nanas and Poppas. They are getting old you know and they need someone to stay with them to make sure they are fed, diapered and put to bed at a reasonable hour.

Some interesting things have been happening in my life recently. I have worked out how to stand unaided and that I can take a few little steps to move myself along - but enough of that rubbish. The most important thing that I have learnt recently is that it is really funny to smash stuff into Daddy until he cries. There is nothing better than seeing a grown man brought to tears by a 2 foot creature weilding a plastic walking frame.

This coming week will see me go into daycare for one day. I am really looking forward to it. I will be taking my mini-handcuffs, wearing full police uniform and of course I will be taking my baton. Those other little kids will fell the full force of "Jude The Merciless".

Anyway my dad said that I should say something nice about other people on here, but why the hell should I listen to him? He needs to listen to me and respect my authority. I am going to go and find the cat and teach her a lesson - now where's my baton.....

Jude

Achtung all Nanas & Poppas!!!

Look out you Nanas & Poppas - I'm coming!!!!

Yep, that's right, Team Thomas are heading your way. Put all your breakables away and even the stuff you would never dream could be broken... Jude will get it.

We are off to Hamilton tonight and then Rotorua the next day for Daddy to do a bike ride to Taupo. Then it's a few days leisure (yeah right) in Rotorua before heading back to Hamilton.

Jude enjoyed his day with Great Nana & Poppa Baron yesterday - as you can see from the photo, Jude thought he was a little tiny baby again and demanded to be bottle fed on Great Poppa Dick's lap. Poppa Dick didn't seem to mind too much. But look at those loooooong legs - do they go all the way up? (Jude not Poppa Dick).

Adios amigos (for now).
Team Thomas

Please lift your Kaftan

Well hello everybody,

Here I am outside at my new house. I quite often come out here to inspect the rocks. I pick them up, check them to ensure they are the type of rock that is worthy of being in my garden and then I throw them away. You may ask why I do this, well the answer is obvious and if you can't figure it out without me telling you then you are obviously an idiot.

I am getting pretty adventurous with standing by myself. I can now stand unaided for about 30 seconds. The problem is that when I realise that I am standing it becomes very hard and I fall over. You may think that this is a strange phenomena coming from a person as bright as what I am but I bet that you have never tried standing and thinking at the same time. Give it a go sometime and see how long you last!!

Some other exciting news...... I have learnt a few new words. That four legged grey and white beast that taunts me is called a tat, the plastic thing full of water that Mum and Dad throw me in is a bar and those crazy dudes in the glass box that talk to me are the gggggg's.

I guess I had better go now as Mum wants to get on the computer. She always wants the things that I have, for example, I can't go for two hours without her stealing my nappy.

Anyway, I am going to go and sleep now, you bore me.

J.E.T

I am not an animal...

...I'm a human being.

This lovely photo was taken of Jude yesterday while he was having a right old good-time playing peek-a-boo with Mummy and the security gate at the top of our stairs. I think he thought he was pretty clever in "locking" Mummy out.

Well, Jude is now finally over his gastro bug (which incidentally took about a week to clear up totally and was kindly passed on to both Mummy and Daddy - Daddy actually said the words "I think I'm dying"). Jude decided that he didn't want his tea at all last night, which is completely unheard of for our little piggie. Needless to say, he awoke at the ungodly hour of 5.57am this morning screaming for milk and his weetbix.

Jude loves the new house. He loves climbing the stairs, playing in all the kitchen drawers and chasing the cat (who, for some reason, has got quite brave around him and will tolerate being in the same room as long as her tail is left alone - highly unlikely!!).

Jude has a new passion in his life - BATHS!!! No longer will Mummy & Daddy be allowed to get away with "oh, he won't need a bath tonight" - oh no - Mr Jude MUST have his bath every night and every chance he gets, he's in the bathroom throwing his toys into the bath in the hopes that Mummy or Daddy might just give in and run one for him...

Jude also has 9 teeth now - the latest being a bottom molar. Still no signs of walking yet - well, that's a lie - there ARE signs of walking, he just doesn't want to do it yet. He will stand for seconds not holding on to anything until he realises and then promptly sits down with a bump.

Well, that's all for now folks. Here's another photo of our cutie for your viewing pleasure.

Absolute Rot

After some of the previous blogs that I have posted, Mum said that I wasn't allowed to write anything that was absolute rot. Everything that I have to write has to be informative and factual so as to give my fans something interesting to read.

Well just like most days, I am going to defy my mother. Today I will write about my perfect world.

In my perfect world Mongie would stay still long enough for me to "pat" her, I would be able to throw my food wherever I liked, all of my food would be made of chocolate, I would be allowed into whichever drawer I wanted, no-one would ever be allowed to eat in front of me, Stephen Hawking would choke on a mushroom and die, Cameron and I would take over the world, it would be legal to beat the crap out of my parents, the Wiggles would be real people not just strange pictures stuck in a glass cage, I would never have to go to bed, Daddy would let me drive the car, people would stop sticking plastic boxes that flash in my face in front of me and Nathan from hi-5 would stop taking himself so seriously.

Anyway I am going to go off and squeeze off a length in my nap.

J.E.T

PS. I am not well today - I spewed twice in my bed last night and have a tummy-bug according to the doctor.

It's my Birthday

This is me on my Birthday proper. For those of you that don't remember, this is me after I came out of Mummy's tummy.

As you can see I am a very smart little boy as I have been able to get really big in a short period of time. No one else can do that (apart from Uncle Jason).

I enjoyed my birthday a lot, I had all of my friends and family around on Saturday and on my birthday proper Mummy and Daddy took me to the beach. I crawled around the whole beach, found lots of shells, studied them and then threw away the ones that didn't meet my standards.

I was very impressed by the fish cake that mummy made me, it looked like a real fish. I was also really impressed by the presents I got. I got lots of clothes, lots of toys and lots of money.

Now to more important things. I am planning my year ahead, this year I will do some magic tricks for you. I will walk on two legs, I will use some real words, I will grow loads of blonde hair, I will write a three thousand word novel and I will probably be signed up as a young professional at Everton Football club.

Anyway, everyone can buy me lots of things...... its all about me me and more me.

Jude